Substances

Based on my last blog post, I think it’s important to talk about how substance use affects teenagers. Adolescence is one of the most critical periods of brain development, especially in the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for judgment, decision-making, and impulse control. When teens experiment with alcohol, marijuana, or nicotine, it can lead to declining academic performance, an increased risk of addiction, and worsening mental health. Boston Children’s Hospital reports that alcohol use can impair memory and delay normal adolescent brain development.

High school is hard enough without adding substances to the mix. Wanting to fit in, finding yourself in the wrong crowd, or being influenced by people you think are your friends can shape those years in ways you never imagined.

Unfortunately, I know this firsthand.

Despite having fairly strict parents who constantly reminded us how dangerous drugs and alcohol were, I still experimented. We even had D.A.R.E. classes in school—which, once again, proves my age. Somehow, the warnings never seemed to outweigh the desire to be included.

Whenever I went out with friends, the nights usually ended in binge drinking or blackouts.

One sleepover stands out vividly in my mind. I walked upstairs to use the bathroom and found one of my friends kneeling over the toilet with her finger down her throat. Whether she had simply drunk too much or was battling demons none of us knew about, I had just witnessed bulimia for the first time. I didn’t know what I was looking at then.

A few years later, in college, I’d become all too familiar with it myself.

According to Addiction Center, marijuana can impair attention, learning, memory, and coordination. Long-term use may also increase the risk of mood disorders and psychotic illnesses in people who are already vulnerable.

Looking back, I think high school is when many teenagers begin using substances to self-medicate. Anxiety, depression, loneliness, trauma—sometimes they’re trying to outrun feelings they don’t yet have the words to explain. Drugs and alcohol become a temporary escape, even though they often make everything worse.

Two of my cousins graduated with me. One was my first cousin, Jinna. The other, my third cousin, Taren.

Taren hung out with what everyone considered the “druggy” crowd. Her friends were mysterious, rebellious, and seemed older than the rest of us. Many of them were already having sex and living life much faster than I was.

Jinna couldn’t have been more different. She was born just a week before me, and we were incredibly close growing up. She was athletic, captain of the varsity soccer team, and effortlessly beautiful with her long, bleached-blonde hair—our mothers had worked together as hairstylists for years. She also had the tall, dark, handsome boyfriend she’d been dating since freshman year.

So when they invited me to a party at Karen’s house, I was thrilled.

I remember thinking, This is it. I’m finally going to be one of the cool kids. Maybe I’ll even kiss a boy. Maybe after tonight, the popular kids at school will finally know who I am.

The party itself was harmless enough. We hung around the pool, laughed, talked, and acted like teenagers. As people gradually headed home, the three of us settled into a sleepover in Taren’s musty basement. It had an old couch, sleeping bags spread across the floor, and a pinball machine—which, honestly, felt pretty cool at the time.

Then Taren packed the first of what would be many bowls that night.

The three of us sat cross-legged beneath a tiny basement window that was cracked open just enough to let the smoke drift outside.

It was obvious this wasn’t their first time.

It was mine.

I remember thinking, What the hell? They seem to have their lives together. It isn’t hurting them, so why not?

I took my first hit.

Instant regret.

I coughed so hard I thought I was going to pass out. My throat burned, my lungs felt like they were on fire, and I couldn’t catch my breath. When I finally looked up, both of my cousins were staring at me before bursting into laughter.

How is this fun? I thought. People actually enjoy this?

That was the first—and last—time I smoked marijuana…

Until college, when it became my life support.